Until 1980, psychologists and behavioral scientists considered perfectionism a form of neurosis and psychosis. However, in 1980, Dr. David Burns provided a new definition of perfectionism, according to which perfectionists are individuals who set superhuman goals for themselves that do not align with any rational standards.
Perfectionism vs. perfectionism
Although perfectionists and realists share certain traits, there are fundamental differences between them from various perspectives.
Both groups aim to choose the best, but one structural and foundational difference lies in their acceptance of failure and incapacity. Perfectionists do not easily accept failure, whereas realists have the ability to accept their own failures.
The boundary between perfectionism and optimism is determined by the realism of individuals, meaning that perfectionists are dreamers, idealists, and unrealistic, while optimistic individuals are realistic. This is why perfectionists have difficulty accepting failure and negative emotions, while optimistic individuals consider failure and negative emotions to be part of life experiences.
The escapism of perfectionists leads them to experience consequences such as anxiety and self-destruction, while realists naturally experience emotional release because they consider negative emotions a natural part of life.
Perfectionists strive for unattainable goals, and even when they achieve their goals, they are not satisfied with their performance. This dissatisfaction leads them to pursue endless accolades. As a result, perfectionists can never experience happiness and tranquility. On the other hand, realists recognize their efforts toward their goals and are satisfied with their performance. Therefore, achieving their goals brings them joy and contentment.
The Path of Life from the Perspective of Perfectionists vs. Realists
The truth is that realists, in terms of ambition, are no different from perfectionists. However, the difference lies in their approach to the path toward achieving their goals. A perfectionist views the journey to their goal as a straight path, free of obstacles. This mindset leads them to escape from reality, and when faced with an obstacle, they become discouraged and abandon their path. On the other hand, a realist, due to their grounded perspective, understands that life has its ups and downs. Therefore, when a realist encounters an obstacle on the way to their goal, they put all their effort into finding a solution and are able to overcome the barriers.
Fear of Failure
According to Albert Hubbard, the greatest and most dangerous mistake a person can make in life is to fear making mistakes.
In the vocabulary of perfectionists, failure has no place. Perfectionists, due to their inability to accept failure, cannot learn from their setbacks. As a result, they do not achieve self-enhancement or self-actualization because these require individuals to acknowledge failures along the way to their desires.
Although realists, like perfectionists, dislike failure, their realistic mindset allows them to use their failures as valuable learning experiences. By doing so, they contribute to their own growth and self-actualization, improving their performance in the ongoing journey of life.
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Focus on the End Goal
For a perfectionist, the goal justifies the means. In other words, a perfectionist derives their peace of mind from achieving their goal. As a result, they devote all their energy to reaching their goal by any means necessary, sacrificing their present life for an uncertain future. Thus, the journey of a perfectionist becomes tiring and painful, and they are deprived of the joys of the journey itself.
In contrast, the journey of life for a realist is much more memorable and uplifting. While they keep their goals and destination in mind, they also enjoy the path itself and do not sacrifice their present moment for an uncertain future.
All-or-Nothing Mindset
Another characteristic of perfectionists is their black-and-white thinking or absolutism. For perfectionists, there is no middle ground; people are either good or bad. However, no two individuals are perfect in every way, and life situations are not always entirely good or entirely bad. Therefore, people must have the ability to adapt and accept differences. But since perfectionists have an all-or-nothing mindset, they are deprived of this ability.
Realists, on the other hand, approach things relatively and are able to adapt and accept differences. As a result, they tend to act more flexibly.
Excessive Rigidity
Perfectionists have an excessively rigid approach to achieving their goals, which over time leads to physical and psychological exhaustion. They deprive themselves of life’s peace and relaxation. However, realists, while they feel responsible for their goals, do not subject themselves to excessive rigidity. They avoid wearing themselves out physically and mentally and approach life with peace of mind.
Musts as Central to Life
Perfectionists focus on the future and use “must” statements to achieve their goals. However, not every “must” is achievable, as each person has their own strengths and weaknesses that shape the path they can follow. In reality, humans are not robots that can execute every request precisely and without error. The “musts” that perfectionists impose on themselves over time lead to frustration and eventual self-doubt.
Realists, while striving toward their goals, do not make “musts” the cornerstone of their plans. This allows them to have more flexible plans and, if one solution doesn’t work, they are open to finding another way.