Eternal child syndrome

We all know individuals who, when faced with life’s challenges and difficulties, become confused and unable to identify the causes of their problems. This lack of self-awareness can, over time, lead to depression and a loss of motivation.
For example, people who constantly move from one social relationship or friendship to another often find themselves without tangible results. This phenomenon is recognized as a serious issue that requires identifying its root causes.
When we explore these roots, they often lead us back to childhood, where many behavioral patterns and psychological challenges are formed. Marie-Louise von Franz and Carl Jung, two renowned psychologists, through years of research and study, developed the concept of the “Puer Aeternus” or “Eternal Child Syndrome.”
This syndrome is linked to family dynamics, social conditions, and cultural factors that can contribute to its development in some individuals. Those who suffer from this syndrome may appear to grow up physically and age chronologically, but emotionally and psychologically remain in a childlike state.
In other words, we observe adults who, in terms of their thinking, emotions, psychological responses, and sometimes even emotional regulation, are still stuck in their childhood or adolescent stages, and display behaviors rooted in those early experiences.

Factors Contributing to the Formation of the Eternal Child Syndrome

Several factors play a role in the emergence and persistence of this syndrome. One of the most significant is the absence of the father. In today’s world, many children grow up with absent fathers—fathers who are either physically not present in the family, separated from the mother, or emotionally disengaged even if they are around. Some of these fathers become so absorbed in work and financial responsibilities that they forget their paternal role.
Another contributing factor is the presence of “devouring mothers.” This term refers to mothers who are excessively involved in their child’s life and do not allow them the freedom to make decisions, experience trial and error, or live life on their own terms. According to Carl Jung, these mothers try to control everything and make decisions on behalf of their children. As a result, the child learns to avoid challenges, preferring instead that their mother resolves the problem for them.
Devouring mothers raise children who, when they enter society and face real-world problems, quickly regress to childhood and attempt to handle issues either childishly or by escaping from them. Consequently, their approach to life’s challenges lacks maturity and is characterized by immature reactions.
Jung also introduces the concept of a “society without rites of passage.” In the past, societies had rituals that marked transitions between various stages of life. However, over time, these rituals have largely disappeared, which has led to developmental and social difficulties. Rites of passage are essential for marking the boundary between childhood and adulthood. In their absence, adolescents may struggle with responsibility and fail to navigate life stages effectively.
Jung emphasizes that the transition between adolescence and early adulthood is a highly sensitive period. If this phase is neglected, the individual is at risk of falling into the trap of the “eternal child.”

The Evolution of Human Development from Childhood to Adulthood and Identity Challenges During Adolescence

In his book Spirit and Life, Jung refers to four main stages of human development: childhood, adolescence, youth, and adulthood. In the childhood stage, a child typically does not experience specific inner conflicts, and this period is generally bright and joyful for them. The child is guided by instincts and emotions, and due to the absence of doubt in their feelings and emotions, they experience an ideal and carefree world. Unlike adults who may lose these qualities, the child easily immerses themselves in their world, free from regret or remorse.
During childhood, children play effortlessly with their friends and quickly reconcile after disagreements. However, this stage is not eternal and gradually transitions into adulthood. Entry into this new stage is accompanied by hormonal, biological, and physiological changes that increase human complexity and give rise to new crises.
In this process, the concept of the “ego” or the “conscious self” emerges as the rational part of the mind that controls our conscious actions. The ego begins to develop during adolescence and gradually strengthens.
The concept of the unconscious refers to our inner instincts, hidden emotions, suppressed fears, and dangers that, without our awareness, guide our decisions.
The ego tends to seek freedom, but the unconscious constantly influences it and disrupts its course. For example, you might decide to study and prepare for your final exam, but your unconscious urges you to watch a movie instead, distracting you from studying.
The development of the ego during adolescence creates a deep gap between the conscious and unconscious parts of the self, which becomes the source of serious conflicts in a person’s life. This gap can lead to psychological and emotional problems.
Many people fail to succeed in later stages of life and encounter failure. One of the reasons behind this failure is the gap that forms between the ego and the unconscious during adolescence. The unconscious, being an older part of human existence, feels entitled to govern the individual’s life and resists the emergence of the ego, which strives to act rationally and consciously.
During adolescence, the ego is naturally weak and immature, which causes adolescents to experience emotional fluctuations and internal conflicts. These conflicts manifest as doubt, uncertainty, and deep contemplation.
In the past, the existence of rites of passage helped children successfully navigate this critical phase. These rituals helped adolescents gain a better understanding of their identity changes and guided them toward adulthood.

Strategies for Coping with the “Eternal Child” Syndrome

Jung emphasizes that in order to achieve psychological stability—even in the absence of parental support—adolescents must establish their own rites of passage. This can help them confront their inner challenges and take on the responsibilities of adulthood.

• Working is highlighted as an important strategy in Jung’s psychological theory. According to him, engaging in work enables a person to attain both financial and psychological independence, while simultaneously progressing through the stages of a rite of passage. Jung stresses that the type of job chosen is not of great importance; what matters is the individual’s commitment and seriousness in their work. He states that one of the main characteristics of the eternal child syndrome is avoidance of responsibility and an inability to focus on a clear path.
• Jung’s second recommendation is the search for meaning in life. He believes that discovering meaning helps individuals move forward on their life path. To achieve this, people must pay attention to their inner feelings and desires and pursue paths that provide them with a sense of purpose with energy and determination. According to Jung, those who seek deep emotional and personal growth, as well as inner peace, must define a clear meaning for their lives. Working merely for the sake of gaining wealth and possessions will eventually exhaust the individual. Therefore, people should seek work that not only brings them joy and satisfaction but also includes elements of spiritual depth and personal growth.
• Jung emphasizes the importance of creating meaningful relationships. Every relationship should be based on a specific purpose and meaning. While eternal children may seek shallow and short-lived connections, achieving human wholeness requires forming deeper relationships that contribute to personal maturity and inner growth.
• Jung also stresses the importance of connecting with the creative unconscious. Achieving balance between the ego and the unconscious is one of the keys to success in this regard. Artistic activities such as music, painting, and other forms of art can help awaken creativity and nourish the unconscious. This kind of connection not only enhances one’s sense of fulfillment and creativity but also helps a person connect with the deeper layers of their being. The unconscious is regarded as a source of inner inspiration and the origin of pure, childlike emotions. The more consciously and carefully one connects with the unconscious, the more meaningful their steps in life will be.
• Jung’s final advice is to seek rituals and traditions for oneself. He believes that such rites in cultures can prepare individuals for spiritual growth. In the absence of cultural rites, it becomes essential for a person to create personal rituals in order to move out of a childish state and attain maturity. This process can help individuals free themselves from the eternal child syndrome and grow into fully developed adults.