grumbling
Why Do People Complain?
The phenomenon of complaining is generally viewed as undesirable and negative across cultures and nations, and it often causes discomfort to those around the complainer.
Why is this behavior considered negative? The reason lies in mental rumination—when someone complains, they are essentially voicing the thoughts and worries that are troubling them, loudly expressing their negative thoughts.
Sometimes, complaining becomes compulsive—meaning the person feels unable to resist or control the urge to complain.
Reasons for Complaining:
- Emotional Release: People use complaining to release built-up emotions and relieve inner tension.
- Stress and Anxiety: Through complaining, individuals can manage and channel their stress in a more defined and controlled way.
- Ego Boosting: Complaining can enhance a person’s self-image. In essence, they imply, “If I were in charge, I’d make a better decision,” thus indirectly placing themselves above others.
- Expressing Dissatisfaction: When someone points out a negative trait in another person, they are essentially saying they don’t possess that flaw themselves—this can mark the beginning of narcissistic tendencies.
- Assertion of Identity: Identity encompasses one’s thoughts, views, character, and personality. When a person criticizes an issue or questions another, they’re indirectly revealing their stance and emphasizing that they are not aligned with that perspective or behavior.
- Sharing Meaning: Complaining allows people to share what matters to them—what they find meaningful and significant.
- Requesting Change from Others: Complaining is often a way to communicate a desire for others to change their behavior.
- A Communication-Based Request: When someone repeatedly complains to their spouse or children about commuting to and from university, they are actually expressing a desire for support and understanding—they’re signaling that others are part of their experience.
Complaining is a signal to others that their lives are interconnected. However, when complaining becomes a habit, it loses its functional value and turns into something destructive.