As the name of this schema implies, these individuals’ emotions have not been satisfied at the appropriate times and places, leading them to spend their entire lives searching for emotional fulfillment. Consequently, they often find themselves in various emotional pitfalls in an attempt to meet their needs. The most common schema among Iranians is the emotional deprivation schema.
Reasons for the Formation of Emotional Deprivation Schema
- Lack of verbal affection
- Lack of affectionate touch
- Lack of empathy and understanding
- Lack of support
Lack of verbal affection
The need for verbal affection begins even before birth. Such individuals may react with surprise, laughter, or mockery when they hear affectionate words directed at others, or they may overly express affection themselves and become excited by receiving kind words.
When verbal affection is absent, the ability to recognize emotions, love, deceit, and insincerity diminishes. As a result, individuals become less skilled in discerning genuine feelings and may respond naively to any expression of love.
It’s important to note that someone who has experienced emotional desolation will accept any declaration of love without questioning its authenticity, as they are thirsty for affection.
Lack of affectionate touch
When an infant does not receive touch and affection from their mother, a need for physical contact develops. This unmet need can significantly impact interpersonal relationships, as well as personal and sexual relationships, leading to repressed sexual desires.
If a person does not receive affectionate touch at the appropriate time, they may struggle to understand the difference between caring and sexual touch, creating a vulnerability to emotional harm.
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Lack of empathy and understanding
The absence of trusted individuals to confide in can lead a person to fall prey to manipulative individuals who offer superficial attention and empathy. Note that a trained therapist can provide a safe space for empathy and understanding.
Lack of Support: People who do not have supportive people in their lives usually feel isolated. Without anyone to depend on, they must navigate all areas of their lives alone, which worsens their emotional deprivation.
Lack of support
By sparing someone from affection, their brain can become “dry,” leading to self-destructive neuronal behavior. Most of the Individuals who experience emotional deprivation have a brain that functions abnormally. For instance, consider military personnel who appear very rigid and robotic; their work environment is a battlefield devoid of affection, resulting in this emotional dryness. Another example is elderly individuals whose inner light gradually dims because they no longer receive love from those around them.
Characteristics of Individuals with Emotional Deprivation Schema
Need attention. People with this schema are willing to do anything to get attention. For example, a boy who has not received the necessary attention from his mother, during his college years, establishes relationships with numerous girls and expects those girls to satisfy his unmet maternal need. When unmet needs remain with you and you have been emotionally deprived, you say things that are embarrassing or you drive dangerously or engage in other exaggerated behaviors.
They have extreme resentment and feel worthless.
Their feeling of worthlessness is because their lives have no foundation, foundation, or roots. For example, why would a professor be absent from class and the absence of a person would be very important to him and he would threaten to remove him? Because for a professor who is emotionally deprived, the absence of a person will create a sense of worthlessness in that professor.
They need to be loved and approved. For example, they constantly ask others, “Do you love me?” “How much do you love me?” When you are in a relationship with people with this deprivation, you will feel extremely insecure because you can never have a regular and controlled schedule with them and something could happen from them at any moment.
Specific Weaknesses For example: They fall in love at first sight and express interest in their relationship very quickly.
They use affectionate words excessively in their affection and tend towards cold and dry people who make them feel out of place. They usually make unfounded and wrong choices.
They are also very weak and sensitive in cases where they are deprived. For example, if a person suddenly catches their eye with a piece of clothing, it is because they once wanted a piece of clothing that they did not buy for them and they felt deprived in that situation.
They need love and affection. The need for affection and love in people has specific signs, for example, excessive makeup, wearing unusual clothes, numerous cosmetic procedures, and even driving luxury and expensive cars can be signs of having an emotional deprivation schema. All these signs and symptoms are for visibility because at the time when these people should have been noticed, seen, and caressed, they were not seen and they were ignored. For example, if a girl exposes her hair, that is, where her hair should have been caressed, this did not happen and this deprivation has formed for her. People who seek affection are no longer looking for what is good for them, but are looking for what others want and what they like them to do; as a result, their energy and life will only be wasted. These people do not progress and stagnate and even regress because they are just wasting energy.
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In the cases mentioned, “malingering” refers to an individual pretending to be ill to elicit love and attention, evoking sympathy. Due to feeling empty inside, the person attempts to fill this void through pretense, extravagance, and even heavy makeup. Someone who uses thick makeup responds to an inner voice that tells them they are not beautiful, which leads to feeling unworthy of self-love. Engaging in this behavior signifies a lack of self-acceptance and an escape from your true self. If you cannot accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you as a friend?
Who instills in you the belief that you need heavy makeup? Parents who make you feel uncomfortable about yourself, along with global beauty standards, set criteria that you feel you fall far short of. As a result, you may resort to makeup to align yourself with these ideals. While makeup can enhance beauty, excessive use often signals a lack of self-confidence, feelings of defectiveness and shame, narcissism, and a performative personality.
The global agenda behind heavy makeup first instills in you the notion that you are not as beautiful as you are. It then defines beauty standards through films and celebrities. For those who cannot meet these global standards due to factors like genetics, emotional deprivation may ensue. What impact does this have on future generations? It may lead women to decide against having children to maintain their body shape and align with global beauty standards.