Have you ever tried to get rid of intrusive thoughts?
Have you ever tried to forget the issues, problems, or events that have happened?
Can you erase a memory from your mind?
I guess you’re frustrated by the fact that you can’t delete anything from your brain.
At some point, based on the fact that you’re human, you’ve forgotten something important or felt that you’ve lost skills or knowledge you once had.
Does the Brain Have a Delete Button?
The bad news, or perhaps the good news, is that there is no delete button in our brains.
We cannot selectively erase unwanted content from our minds. In fact, nothing is truly lost in the brain.
Psychological research has shown that even when we forget a specific skill or piece of knowledge, we relearn it much faster the second time, which indicates that the skill was never completely erased.
In other words, it can be said that it’s buried in our minds.
Our experiences, the things we’ve learned both consciously and unconsciously, everything that has happened to us, and so on, all exist somewhere in our brain. That skill, memory, or old event never truly disappears. New skills, knowledge, or events may overlay them, but the old things are still there.
Sometimes, our minds are very much like toddlers.
Mind’s Reaction and Memory Recall
What happens when you hear a toddler inadvertently utter an offensive word?
If you laugh, they’ll likely repeat that word, right?
And if you get angry and tell them to stop?
That, too, will likely make them repeat the word because toddlers crave attention.
If a toddler’s behavior is met with any kind of reaction from the adults around them, they will continue.
Our minds function in much the same way.
If a thought is thrown our way and we react to it with shock, fear, or disgust, that thought will likely keep appearing.
When we become frustrated with having certain emotions – thinking, “I shouldn’t be feeling this way” – we are actually just piling more distress on top of the original feeling.
Life would be easier if we could simply delete the problems and issues that don’t serve us, but we can’t.
What Do We Do with Thoughts We Want to Delete?
When an unwanted thought pops up, simply accept it as just a thought – not a horrible, scary, upsetting, or bad thought.
Apply the same idea to your memories or emotions. Acknowledge it, accept it, and then let it go, while continuing with your life.
You don’t have to be a soldier or visit refugee camps in Syria or Congo to experience trauma. Trauma happens to us, our friends, our families, and our neighbors. A study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that one in five Americans experienced sexual abuse as children; one in four were physically beaten by their parents in ways that left marks; and one in three couples experience physical violence. One quarter of us grew up with alcoholic relatives, and one in eight of us witnessed our mothers being beaten.
As humans, we are an incredibly resilient species. From ancient times to today, we have survived constant wars, countless natural and man-made disasters, and violence and betrayal in our lives. However, trauma experiences, whether on a large scale impacting our history and culture or on a more personal level within our families, undoubtedly leave their mark. Dark secrets are subtly passed down from one generation to the next.
The effects of these experiences on our minds and emotions, our capacity for happiness, forming intimate relationships, and even on our biology and immune systems, remain with us.
The Impact of Trauma on Individuals’ Lives
Trauma not only affects those who are directly exposed to it, but also impacts those around them. Soldiers returning from war may scare their families with their anger and emotional absence. The wives of men who suffer from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) may experience depression, and the children of depressed mothers are at risk of growing up in insecurity and anxiety. Exposure to domestic violence in childhood often makes it difficult to form stable, trust-based relationships in adulthood. Trauma is essentially unbearable and overwhelming. Most victims of military assaults and abused children, when they think about what has happened to them, feel such sorrow that they try to push those thoughts out of their minds, pretending nothing happened and attempting to cope. Carrying the memory of fear and feelings of shame from absolute weakness and vulnerability requires immense energy to continue living.
Why Can’t We Move Past Traumas?
Although we all want to move beyond trauma, a part of our brain responsible for ensuring our survival is located far below our logical brain and lacks the skill to deny.
Long after the traumatic experience is over, even the smallest sign of danger can reactivate it, triggering the damaged neural circuits and releasing significant amounts of stress hormones. This causes intense emotional and physical sensations, as well as impulsive and aggressive actions.
Suggested article: The hormone cortisol
These post-trauma reactions seem incomprehensible and unbearable. Trauma survivors who feel they have no control over their behavior gradually begin to worry that the damage done to them is severe and irreparable. All of this happens because our brain has no delete button.
This means that all memories and experiences remain in it and do not go away.
Therefore, it is better to think carefully when making choices, as all connections, memories, experiences, and the past will remain with us forever.